Love vs Lust: A Mixtape
by SquishyCool
Summary: A mixtape of love, lust, memories, and pain. 10 drabbles written for 10 random songs during the time of the song. VOLUME 2 NOW POSTED. There will be more volumes. Spam/Seddie/Cam/Creddie, as well as unnamed OC's. Rated T for light language
1. Volume 1

**A/N: **This is that whole "put your music player on shuffle and write 10 drabbles to 10 songs during the time the song is playing." I cheated a little, but not much. Anyway, I'll probably do another one of these some time, which is why I titled this one Volume 1. There are all major pairings in this except Creddie. I'm not sure why, I just didn't have many Creddie-inspired songs this time around haha. A lot of Spam, though. What can I say? I'm a die hard Spam fan.  
I wanna **dedicate** this to _Lucy Carrigan_, my homegirl and fic buddy. She recently posted a fic like this (_iRadio_), and that's what inspired me to do it, too. If you read, please review!

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**Volume 1**

_**Life Is A Perception Of Your Own Reality**_** - Chiodos**_  
Carly/Sam_

I've always been envious of her. Yeah, we're best friends, but God… just look at her. She's amazing in every way. I couldn't even begin to explain how much I wanted to be like her.

But I could never be. I was just me… clumsy, rude, aggressive Sam. Carly is the epitome of teenage perfection. And if I could only have that for one day…

All these guys are after her, she has all these talents, she's the star of her own web show, and she's _so_ pretty. If only I could be a better best friend…

Yet, I find myself not being envious of the guys she gets, or the clothes she wears, or the way her hair falls into place so perfectly all by itself.

I find myself wanting her to be _mine_.

_**Thanks For The Memories **_**– Fall Out Boy**_  
Freddie/Sam_

Freddie didn't care when Sam announced she was leaving. He didn't care when she was crying on Carly's shoulder. He cared that Carly cried, but other than that, nope. He didn't care when she packed her bags. And he sure as hell didn't care as he watched her drive away, knowing he wouldn't see her until she was at least 18.

All the memories haunted him, though. Her taunting and teasing, her bullying, the way she lowered his ego and his self-esteem all in one day. He hated the way she was so close to Carly, and could get all the alone time she wanted with her.

He hated that he couldn't get her out of his mind.

So, when he found himself dialing her number one day, he didn't know what to do. He didn't stop himself. However, he only got her voicemail. So, he hung up.

But a few minutes later, she called back. He immediately answered.

"Hello?"

"What'd you want, Fred_dork_? Miss me already?"

He sighed. "No. I… I just wanted to say… Thanks for the memories, Sam."

_**Turn Off The Lights **_**– Hollywood Undead feat. Jeffree Star**_  
Spencer/Sam_

Spencer had never had much luck with the ladies. He got dates, yes. He had plenty of women interested in him, yes. But he was so lonely, he even found himself checking up on his _WhyNotDateMe_ profile nearly every day. He just couldn't find the right girl.

He'd been around. He'd admit that to anyone (except Carly, of course. He didn't want to set a bad example.). But he still hadn't found love. All he'd found was jealousy and more discontent.

But when Sam walked in one day in the summer after her 17th birthday, wearing nothing but a bikini and a towel, her hair wet and her skin glimmering… He couldn't help but stare.

When had she grown up? When had she gotten curves? And when had he started wanting to… _do_ things to her?

_**Red Sam **_**– Flyleaf**_  
Spencer/Sam_

Here she stood again… More bruises, more cuts, more scrapes, and more tears. She wanted to take that razor to her wrist again. She wanted to bleed herself dry, just to prove to her mother how much she _hated_ this man in her home; just to prove to her that she wasn't lying when she'd told her that he had come into her bedroom in the middle of the night…

She ran. She ran from that house as fast as she could, and she didn't stop. It must've been 2 miles, at least. But her lungs were iced over, they felt as if they were going to burst, and her heart was pumping so fast she was almost convinced she'd have a heart attack.

But she made it. She made it through those doors, up those stairs, and down the hall, where she burst through the door and shut it tightly behind her, sliding down to the floor with her face in her hands, sobbing. She was sweaty and her hair was a mess and there was still blood on the side of her face that had leaked down to her shirt.

He came to her, and he bent down. He made her look at him. He helped her up and got a washcloth to clean up the blood, then gave her clean clothes and let her shower.

And when she came out, all she could do was cry. But he was there. He held her so tight, and he felt his heart beating with rage. He wanted to kill the man that lived in her home.

He'd hurt Sam. He'd cut her and bruised her and made her bleed until her face was half-covered in red.

She'd never be like that again, though. Not if Spencer had anything to say about it.

_**I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me**_** – Fall Out Boy**_  
Spencer/Sam_

_I found it,_ I had told myself. _I finally found the cure to growing older._

Rolling around on that bed, tangled up in those sheets… I didn't _feel_ nearly middle-aged. I didn't _feel _the carpal tunnel that was beginning to set in on my overworked hands. I didn't feel anything but my racing heart, the sweat covering my face, and the girl in my arms.

Her blonde hair running across my bare skin sent shivers down my spine, and I couldn't help but run my hand over that milky white skin over and over. I tangled my fingers into her blonde curls. And I took in the scent of her and the taste of her. Every part of her was mine for the moment.

Somehow, she made me forget that I already had a girlfriend… A girlfriend that made me feel boring and old and like I needed to grow up.

A girlfriend that was standing outside the door, listening to every moan, sigh, and giggle.

_**Baby, You Wouldn't Last A Minute On The Creek **_**– Chiodos**_  
Spencer/Sam, Freddie/Sam_

She cried as she walked down the hall, wanting to get out of that building as soon as possible. How could he do this to her? He acted like it'd meant nothing the entire time. Like all those years had just been for fun, and that now they were able to let their passion flow, it wasn't even worth it.

How was she supposed to walk away? How was she supposed to just forget him and all of the memories they shared?

He'd moved on to someone better… someone older, prettier, smarter, funnier, nicer. Someone that was perfect for him.

It was the best and the worst idea she'd ever had… to kiss him. And he'd let it lead to so much more. Then… then it didn't matter. Because he found someone to replace her.

She stopped at the stairs and sat down, letting herself cry silently. She wiped the tears away roughly. What was she supposed to do now? Act like she'd never even known him? Like she hadn't fallen for him?

That's when she felt someone standing behind her. She lifted her head and looked up at the boy standing behind her. He held out his hand, and for the first time in a long time, she didn't hurt it. She took it and let him help her stand up.

He was like an angel.

"I'm sorry, Freddie," she cried into his shoulder.

"Shh," he calmed her, rubbing her back soothingly. "It's okay…"

_**This Flesh A Tomb **_**– Atreyu**_  
Carly/Sam_

"_I love you_."

The brunette put her hand in the rougher one of the blonde's and held on tightly. She smiled at her. This girl completed her. She fixed all of her flaws (yes, Carly Shay had flaws) and made every moment of life worth living. She loved her. They loved each other.

She liked to believe it was never lust; that it had always been love. And she was so sure of this. She'd lay in bed with Sam all day sometimes, the curtains closed and lights off, nothing but their eyes to light up this little world they'd made for themselves.

And as she leaned in and kissed the blonde softly, squeezing her hand tighter, she knew… She knew she'd never be the same. She felt _immortal_, and she wanted Sam to feel it, too. She could stay in her arms forever. She wanted to die next to this girl.

Because, no, it had never been lust. It was _love_.

_**Jesus Christ **_**– Brand New**_  
Spencer/Sam_

"_Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face…"_

Those were the first words that popped into his head when he saw her. From that song he'd heard a couple of weeks ago. Her blonde hair was so full and her face was so perfect, and when she smiled, he felt something inside.

"_The kind you'd find on someone I could save…"_

He'd had no _real_ idea how much trouble she was when he first fell in love with her. It wasn't her fault, though. Her family was fucked up, and they had fucked her up, and she was hurt and scarred and angry at the world. All he could do was let her yell at him when she was angry, and let her cry to him when she was sad. All he could do was run his hand through those blonde curls and try to think of a way to save her.

It came to him on her 18th birthday. She could do whatever she wanted now. Her family had no control over her, and she already knew she was going to move out. Carly had left already, so what was left?

This city had bad memories for the both of them, and they could make better ones somewhere else.

So, they packed their things, and within 2 days, he ran away with her.

And as he drove down that long stretch of highway, he looked over to see her finally-happy face glowing, her blonde hair blowing about in the wind that came through her open window, and her blue eyes shimmering in the sunlight.

All he could think was, _"Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face…"_

_**You're So Last Summer **_**– Taking Back Sunday**_  
Freddie/Sam_

She'd said, "Don't let it go to your head."

When she left, she'd reminded him, "Boys like you are a dime a dozen… You're a touch overrated, baby."

He watched her slam the door behind her after she reminded him that the memories meant nothing to her. But what had he seen in her? Why had he fallen in love with her after all those years of torture? Wasn't he supposed to hate her?

Yet, somehow, everything she'd done to him was painfully wonderful. All he could think about was making her happy, and all he could think about was how much he loved her. He'd even changed himself for her, so she'd like him more. But it hadn't worked. She'd left anyway.

_And maybe,_ he thought, _Maybe I should hate you for this._

But empty apartments don't talk back.

And liars don't come home.

_**G.I.N.A.S.F.S. **_**– Fall Out Boy**_  
Spencer/Sam_

She'd loved Spencer and everything about him since day one. Even the parts that hurt.

She watched as girl after girl walked in and out of his life. She watched as girl after girl broke his heart, or let him down, or left him behind. Yet she'd never thought of saving him herself. She'd never thought of falling in love with him…

She was so infatuated with this boy who didn't even treat her right. Big blue eyes that hypnotized her were all she could see when she was with him.

But when he left, she had no one. She wanted to call him and beg for him back, but instead of dialing his number, she dialed Spencer's.

He invited her over, she showed up, and they realized what they'd always known but had pushed to the back of their minds.

She was a bad kid with attitude problems and an aggressive attitude to match. He was a klutz with bad luck and a sense of humor to save him from any situation.

Sam traded those baby blue eyes for wide brown ones. She spent all day with him, and all night.

And when they kissed after having a food fight, mashed potatoes in her hair and creamed corn in his, it was odd. There was weird chemistry going on, and somehow, they knew they had always been meant to be together.

It was a weird way of saying, after all those years, that she knew she was supposed to love him.

**now press repeat.**


	2. Volume 2

**A/N: **I suck at updating stuff, k? So get over it. I'll update my other stories when I get the time. I'm sorry that I'm busy and kinda have a life and stuff. But this summer should guarantee more regular updates. Hopefully. Until then, enjoy these. I got bored today and started this (another problem with my updates is writer's block), kind of an attempt at battling off writer's block. Anyway, I like them alright, and I tried to keep plenty of variety in there. Let me know what you think!

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**Volume 2**

_**Blow**_** – Atreyu**_  
Sam-centric_

Sam clenched her fists tightly, her teeth grinding inside her mouth. She had narrowed eyes and the other 2 kids could've swore they could see the steam coming out of her ears.

"Sam? Sam," Carly tried to talk to her, but she just continued to pace, anger overtaking her.

"Who are they to get off… They don't even know… Why would they say… I just wanna deck 'em _so hard_…"

"Sam, calm down," Freddie insisted, daring to approach her.

She quickly shoved him away and he stumbled back, startled by her sudden movements.

"Get away from me, Freddork!" she yelled at him.

He put up his hands defensively. "Sorry! I just don't see why you're getting so – "

Within a split second, Sam had leapt at Freddie and now had his shirt collar tightly wrapped around her fingers. She shoved him against the wall – hard – and got in his face. He could smell the juice on her breath from earlier.

"_You don't understand_. I work so hard on this every single day with you guys… We work our _butts_ off to make this show the best of its kind. We won an award! We went through absolute _hell_ just to get to those awards in Japan. JAPAN! And now these stupid critics are trying to take that away from us? _Nevel Papperman_ and his goonies? Are you serious!?" she spat angrily, her nose inches from his and her breath hot and furious. "It's bull. It's all jank and it's all a huge pile of… crap… against us!"

She let him go, shoving him harder into the wall to rid herself of him. She turned around and walked away, snatching up a water bottle sitting on the tech cart on her way to the elevator. She pressed the button and turned around as she waited for it to arrive.

"You can tell those critics to blow their words out the back of their fucking heads," she added in disgust, taking a swig of the water.

And with that, she was gone.

_**The Rock Show**_** – Blink 182**_  
Freddie/Sam_

Freddie grinned as his eyes followed a rambunctious Sam, her arms flailing around wildly and her head banging to the music. She was sweaty and grinning and glowing and… beautiful.

He fell in love.

Even though they were opposites, there was something about her that he couldn't resist. She'd invited him to go to this concert with her and her friends since Carly was busy, and he agreed. He was pretty positive her friends hated him for being such a nerd, but he didn't care when he saw her moshing around wildly to the rock music, taking in every drumbeat and every guitar riff. It was like all their problems dissipated with the sound of the music.

It was true, she was failing high school, and she was getting into a lot more trouble lately, especially considering she was hanging out with her detention buddies way more than usual. But that didn't even matter to Freddie. The only reason he was nervous right now was because he was surrounded by a bunch of sweaty, angry teenagers who were energized by music and screaming.

And he didn't know who this girl was that Sam had suddenly turned into… This crazy, obsessed fan who was dancing to everything and dripping with sweat, but completely happy and in her place. All he knew was that he'd never forget tonight… and he'd fallen in love with this girl at the rock show.

_**The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes **_**– Fall Out Boy**_  
Sam/(Spencer or Freddie)_

I hadn't seen her in days. I hadn't heard from her. Not even a text or anything. And now she was showing up, looking like a mess, wanting to "apologize"? She couldn't even say "I'm sorry" with a straight face.

"Where have you _been_?" I questioned her angrily.

She sighed and pushed me aside, walking past me and into the kitchen. "Out."

I stared at her incredulously, slamming the door shut and following her into the kitchen. "_And?_"

She turned back, a bottle of juice in her hand now. "What?"

I threw my hands up in frustration. "What's your excuse? You haven't talked to me in days, Sam. What the hell am I supposed to think?!"

She just rolled her eyes. "I don't need this, dude."

I followed her as she stormed for the door, readying to leave once more, I guessed. "Where're you going?"

She stopped and turned around, grabbing the doorknob furiously and scoffing at me condescendingly. "Boys like you try too hard."

The next time she came back, I didn't even answer the door.

_**The Guillotine **_**– Escape The Fate**_  
Carly/Sam_

"_Promise me you won't leave my side…"_

I watched her as she crouched down near the ground, baggie in hand. She was perspiring from anxiety and breathing heavily. I glanced around, wondering if anyone saw. Surely someone would find the blood trail and follow it back.

"Please don't leave my side," she whimpered up at me.

I didn't reply. I only nodded, my eyes full of tears. I hated seeing her like this, but there was nothing I could do. What _could_ I do? She was far too lost for me to even save her by now. All I could do was keep her safe.

I watched as she slouched against the brick wall, the gritty red scraping against her skin and drawing a little blood. She was already so dirty and bloody and the cops would be here any moment and –

"Promise me you won't leave my side."

I watched her eyes die once more as the needle entered her vein and I wondered to myself… What had I let Sam become? What had I done?

I'd left. I wasn't even here anymore. I was just a ghost. Yet she still talked to me and still pretended I was right by her side.

And I was. I was always by her side, since the day I died. And I wasn't leaving. I made a promise, and I wasn't leaving her side.

_**Animal I Have Become**_** – Three Days Grace**_  
Carly/Sam_

I hardly knew what was going on. All I knew was that Carly was always by my side – no matter where I went, no matter what I was doing, no matter who I was with. Without her, I spiraled. She wasn't there to protect me or hold me back. I got put in jail. I got high. I got beaten up. I got cut. I got _lost_.

I became an _animal_.

There was no way to escape myself. All I ever did was lie and cheat and steal, and I just kept doing it over and over again. There was so much rage inside and I didn't know why. Life was like an entire nightmare. Everyone saw me for who I really was, and Spencer and Freddie tried to help me… but I refused. It wasn't me. I wanted to scream it to them, "This is not the real me!"

They knew it better than anyone.

My only escape was that fucking needle. Even bleeding and sweating and dirty and tired, I crouched down in that alley and kept praying to my god of a needle. It entered my vein and took the pain away. But as soon as it went away, I felt everything… every little bit of pain and every bad memory.

I kept talking to the air like Carly was there. And sometimes I could convince myself she was. Like she was really by my side, to help me change who I'd become.

But it was too late. I was already on the ground.

_**Tiffany Blews**_** – Fall Out Boy**_  
Carly/Freddie_

"_Oh, baby, you're a classic, like a little black dress; but you'll be faded soon…"_

I tried to keep her here. I tried to make her stay with me. But I just couldn't. She was something else. Carly Shay was the epitome of classic girl. She was everything I wanted, and ever since I'd met her, I'd wanted to make her mine.

But she was impossible.

I changed and changed, and I got so angry. The day she was leaving, she wouldn't even give me a chance.

"Please, Carls… just let me come with you. _Please!_" I begged her, tears in my eyes.

She shook her head, tears in her eyes as well. She wiped them away, car keys in her other hand. The wind blew through her black hair and I admired her once more, wishing there was some way I could make her mine. So many years, and so many "so-close" moments.

She'd fallen in love with me. I could tell when I looked at her, and the way she looked at me like I was the reason she'd been stuck in Seattle for so long.

She touched my chin with her fingertip intimately, giving me a weak smile, her eyes full of tears again. "I'm sorry, Freddie. I can't. I've been in Seattle too long; I have to get out."

She turned around, walking to the driver's door of her car.

"I love you," I choked out, my heart racing in my chest.

She stopped, but didn't turn around, only muttering a quiet, "You've held me down in this starless city."

And then she was gone.

_**Perfect**_** – Flyleaf**_  
Carly/Sam_

"Sam? Sam, open the door," Carly demanded, her voice laced with concern.

"No. Just go away, Carly. I'll talk to you tomorrow," Sam replied through the closed door, her voice raised.

It got quiet, and just when Sam thought Carly had given up, her door popped open, revealing a crouching Carly. The brunette stood up, a pleased smile on her face, and entered the room, closing the door behind her.

"Wha – "

"After you see someone do it so many times, you eventually learn how to yourself," Carly explained before she could finish, referring to how she'd just picked the lock on Sam's bedroom door.

Sam sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest. "Carls, just go home. I said I don't wanna talk about it."

"No, you're going to talk to me about it," Carly stated firmly. "I wanna know what's up, Sam!"

The blonde didn't reply. She remained silent, staring down at her messy bedroom floor absent-mindedly.

Finally, she whispered, 'You don't understand."

Carly's eyebrows raised, and she approached her best friend carefully, taking a seat next to her on the edge of the unmade bed. "Maybe I do. Try me."

Sam shook her head defiantly. "You _won't_ understand, so just… stop."

"When have I not understood, Sam?" Carly snapped, getting angry now. "Honestly. We're like the same person in different bodies. You've known that for years. We've always joked about it… Why're you being like this now?"

Sam groaned. "Okay, fine… It's just bothering me, with all this stuff that's been happening lately… I-I feel like some shitty replica of you. You're perfect, Carls. And I'm just a delinquent who's gong nowhere in life. All you've ever done is kept me out of jail. Once you go to college… I'm done for. I'll probably be locked up within a month."

"Sam," Carly whispered. "That's not true… You're amazing. You're everything I wish I could be. You can do whatever you want, why don't you just take the chance? I wanted you to apply to that school for a reason… I don't wanna leave you behind. You're my _best friend_, Sam. I love you."

Sam shook her head, silent for a few moments. "How can you even stand to look at me? I can't stand to look at myself. All I see is failure and-and missed opportunities. I haven't done anything for you in our entire friendship except get you in trouble and lie."

Carly sighed, feeling defeated. How could she possibly explain to Sam how much she meant to her?

Without even thinking about it, she reached up and took Sam's cheek in her hand, caressing it with her thumb gently. She pulled the blonde's face towards her own, leaning in at the same time, and their lips met halfway in a soft, reassuring kiss.

When they pulled away, Carly looked her straight in the eye and whispered, "You're _perfect_, Sam."

_**Toxic **_**– A Static Lullaby **_(originally by Britney Spears)  
Spencer/Sam_

She knew it was risky.

He knew she was dangerous.

They both knew the other was off-limits. Yet they couldn't stay away. There was something about each other that dragged them in. They loved the thrill of sneaking off together and the rush they got from the risk of being caught. Carly could walk in at any minute, or Freddie, or anyone, and the jig would be up. But it didn't seem to matter.

They were _addicted_ to each other.

It was a poisonous relationship to begin with. They knew no one would accept them if they ever tried anything legit.

"That'd be like if you… dated my _brother_ or something!"

"Yeah, that's about as likely as you and Spencer getting married."

"Please. Spencer has a better chance with the Queen of England."

So they kept it quiet and kept it secret and because it was such a risk and it was so… _toxic_… they got a high from it. It was a natural, lust-fueled high. They didn't look back and they didn't look forward. They were caught up in sweat and body movements and the curves of bodies and… and the way that blonde hair looked in the moonlight, and the way his sweaty skin shimmered when the streetlights bounced off it just right and…

Wait. It was nothing but a fling, right? It was dangerous and a drug and everything neither of them could have.

So why was it suddenly poisoning them like never before? Why couldn't they stay away from each other? Why didn't they date anyone else or try something else or…

It was a toxic relationship, and this was bound to happen eventually.

_**You Eclipsed By Me**_** – Atreyu**_  
Sam-centric_

Sam hated him. He was a piece of shit. He was worthless and lying and cheating and he treated her mother like shit and she _didn't like him_ one bit.

Carly had always told her that she didn't _really_ mean it when she said she "hated" someone. She always told her hate was a terrible emotion and it was stronger than Sam really knew.

Well, Sam knew now what hate was, and it had turned into a positive emotion when it finally forced her to better herself.

The day he raised his hand to her, she snapped. As soon as his hand made contact with the skin of her cheek and that loud _slap_ echoed off the bare, wooden walls, she knew what she had to do. This guy was worthless and she was sick of putting up with him. Her mother was a pushover, but Sam? Sam was nothing like her mother in that sense, and she was willing to prove it.

The guy didn't even know what was going on. He had no idea a teenaged girl could be so… _strong_ – that is, until he found himself flipped over and thrown against the TV. It crashed down, breaking and sending echoes around the room.

"Get the _fuck_ out of my _house_."

He looked up at her dumbly, still in shock. But she wasn't kidding around, and she wasn't taking no for an answer.

"_NOW._ Before I go in the kitchen and use that fucking knife on your _throat_, you piece of shit!"

He didn't even have time to gather any of his stuff, though he did find out later that it was all burned in the front yard that same day.

_**When I Come Around**_** – Green Day**_  
Sam/Freddie_

He heard her scream clear from his bedroom.

By the time he got up to the roof, she was sitting calmly on the edge, gazing down at the city below. There was a packed bag beside her and she had the earbuds of her PearPod in her ears. She looked thoughtful, and her blonde hair was ruffled in the light breeze.

"Sam?"

Her head snapped to attention, spotting him, and she took the earbuds out of her ears. "What up, Freddork?"

"What're you doing up here? Did you scream?" he asked, approaching her and resting his arms on the ledge where she sat.

She shrugged. "Yeah. I was just blowin' off some steam."

He eyed the bag next to her, asking quietly, "What's that?"

She was silent for a moment, staring at the bag as if she hadn't known it was there. "I uh… I'm leaving."

His breath caught in his throat. "What?"

She nodded, looking back down at the city street below.

"Wh-why?" he questioned frantically.

She sighed, fingering the earbuds in her hands. "Don't worry about it. Carly and Spencer already know. I just need to… get away for a while. I'm gonna go stay in Los Angeles for a little while. I've got a lotta stuff going on, dude – "

"So you're just gonna _run away_ from your problems?" Freddie accused.

"It's not running away," she quickly corrected him. "I just need to get away. You don't even understand anyway. You guys'll be fine for the short time I'm gone. It's just… I gotta get outta Seattle for a little while… Okay?"

He nodded reluctantly, trying to understand. "But… when're you coming back? Where're you gonna go?"

She looked at him, her face glowing in the city lights that surrounded her and the moonlight above. "Don't worry about it… I'll be back to torment you in due time."

He rolled his eyes, sighing. He leaned on the ledge, gazing down at the street below. "But… when?"

She nudged him playfully, smirking, her eyes insisting him not to fret. "When I come around… You know where I'll be."

**now press repeat.**


End file.
